Being thankful

This season, next year, and the time looking forward, I desire to spend more time being thankful. Thankful for everyone in my life and thankful for everything I have. I am not one of those persons who are sugary sweet and happy-go-lucky, all the time. Awhile ago, a process that would change my life as I knew it - sometimes making me seriously doubt the trustworthiness of men, my ability to get along with others on a more intimate level, question the safety of the world - at times distracted me from thinking more on the the blessings I have in my life. I do not want to mark my life as one that has blackened and darkened my view of things or life in general. Rather, I want to think of what has happened to me as an opportunity for me to grow, be more flexible, define what I prioritize as truly important (and worth defending), dismiss as unimportant or not worth fretting about, identify with others in pain. And, I want to spend more effort and energy being thankful for people who have a positive influence in my life and things that positively impact me.

Tonight, I want to mention two for whom I am thankful.

First, I am thankful for my brood. I shall tell a bit about each one of them. My first born, who is only seven years old, is easily distracted and loves to joke, yet she is a natural leader. When I am not home, which is very infrequent, she inquires after me, shows concern on my behalf, and attempts to maintain order amongst her siblings. She finished learning Book 1 of Suzuki, on the violin, in about a year and is continuing on with Book 2. She's great in music, mathematics, and composition. My second born is a bit of a fire-cracker. Some would use the term 'spirited' or 'strong-willed' in reference to her. She's a bundle of energy who desires things a certain way (her way), in her own time (not sooner and not later). She would like to think she is the rule of the roost. She has a rather sharp mind that gave her the ability to figure out how to do simple puzzles at the age of 2 1/2, without any assistance from a person or from a picture of the puzzle. The third born is 11 minutes older than the youngest one in the family, and she takes charge as well as fends for her twin brother. Though she just turned 26 months old, she not only speaks in complete sentences, but she is able to articulate her emotions with words and describe others' feelings as well. With practice and repetition, she has learned to put 24 piece puzzles together on her own. The only boy in the family is the youngest in the brood. Of the four, he is the one who continually seeks my proximity, closeness with me, and my affection. He likes to nuzzle, hug, nudge, and run into me. For the most part, he seems to be especially interested in whatever his (twin) sister is doing, whether books, toys, or the like. In his own right, he loves to listen to music, look at books, run to and fro. I am thankful for each child in my brood and what makes that person, that person.

Second, I am thankful for my friends. Just this afternoon and evening, I had three friends drop by for a visit. My friends span all different walks of life, and I have known them for varying amounts of time. Yet, I feel quite close to a number of them. They speak to me with ease, and they, in turn, are interested in my life and well-being. Love, concern, and warmth are definitely present.

Time Out for Adults

Why should 'time-outs' only be for children? Couldn't time-outs be for anyone? How about adults who might need some time to reflect or some time to calm oneself or time to oneself? Do time-outs necessarily have to be something negative?

My humble position is that time-outs do not have to be negative. And they do not need to be just for children.

The call a time-out upon oneself take a certain level of maturity to one calling a time-out upon oneself, recognizing particular needs, and attempting to meet those needs, for the benefit of everyone. Realizing and doing are two different things, however. When I am hungry, I need to eat without delay. But, I oftentimes wait too long to eat, because I am caring for others or I keep too busy. I need to work on eating regularly but especially make sure I stop to eat when hungry.

Challenges in Being a Mom

The only real anxiety (or anxiety attacks) I have ever experienced has been worrying about my children and whether I am doing all I should for them and whether I am being patient enough. I watched this video just a few moments ago, and hearing that other dedicated moms have felt the same way made me feel a tad less, well, I am not sure what. I would say 'better,' but the burden of being a good enough mom is always on my mind.

I love them so much, so very much, and I really hope they sense and know this. How each child is different or unique matters to me; I plan on continually investing in this process of learning about my children and spending time with them. I want my children to learn to be responsible, caring people, who will be gradually become more equipped to take care of themselves and others. I want my children to be multilingual, appreciate and become better acquainted with their cultural background. I want my children to work hard as well as enjoy life. I want my children to study hard in school so that they can be financially independent someday. I hope my children will love music (and learn a musical instrument) and the arts. My hope is that they believe in God and love the Lord, always. The children ought to respect their elders, whether parents, teachers, or whomever we encounter on our outings. I am here to be their mom, not their friend or buddy. I am not here to make them into pleasure-seekers. My job is to help mold and shape their character, to love them and to help them become good people.

I am thankful for each of my darling, beloved children. They are wonderful treasures bestowed upon me, and I shall snuggle them closely.

"Extinct" to a 7 yr old and a 5 yr old

This morning, on the typically 35-45 minute drive to the girls' school, my 5 yr old said that she learned in preschool (in previous years) that "extinct" means to go away and never come back. I confirmed to my 5 year old and my 7 year old that for something to be 'extinct' is for all of its kind to go out of existence and to not come back. And that seemed to satisfy them as well as their curiosity.

Would be rather inconvenient and dangerous for us if certain creatures, say dinosaurs, were able to come back out of extinction.

The questions and comments my four children come up with bring smiles to me and make my day!

Why did I ever go Gluten-Free?

Perhaps because I didn't get enough jabbing and pestering for standing out or being different for most of my childhood and sometimes in adulthood (for looking different; I come from an Asian background) and I wanted some more conflict? Because I wanted to try the latest fad? I wanted to be charged with being inflexible or socially awkward with food? Oh I've got it, I want to make my life more unnecessarily complicated?!

No, no, NO!

I am a single mom with four small children on an extremely tight budget and a super busy schedule. I do not need or desire any unnecessary or superfluous complications to my life. But, where the well being of the children is concerned, I am on alert.

At 15 months, I suspected one of the twins had a gluten sensitivity or allergy. I will leave it at the issue was more than just a super bad, long-lasting diaper rash. I had both twins tested for Celiac. But, their pediatrician said ahead of time, as I had read in my research previously, that negative test results would not necessarily indicate that any given individual does not have a gluten allergy or gluten sensitivities. The tests came back negative.

The next step was to go through the painstaking process of taking out the suspected allergy (for three weeks), reintroducing it and seeing how the individual reacts, and repeating the process as necessary. Since the twins were nursing, that meant I had to stop having gluten, too. I think the twins, especially one of the two, have gluten sensitivities. And, since they are still nursing, nearly a year later, I am still gluten-free, too.

This gluten-free journey has been no cup of tea. I have been told I am inflexible. I have been looked at like I am crazy. Dining with people or going out to eat with people has, at times, been inconvenient. Call me crazy for wanting my children to live well and to be well; this is the least I can do for them as their mommy.

Daylight Savings NIGHTMARE

When we turned back our clocks this past weekend, I certainly did not gain an hour of sleep, rest, or anything like that. In fact, I have lost an hour or two of sleep each night to this monster, daylight savings. My 25 month old twins have been waking up at 3:30 or 4 am, thanks to this so-called 'daylight savings.' Who or what are we saving, the dream monsters from working overtime? The twins got up at 3:30 am this morning, and guess who had to wake up with them? They were ready to nurse, to go to the potty, to play, to have some table food breakfast, to PARTY.

Why????

Daylight Savings, you and I will NEVER be kindred spirits, okay? Just so we're straight on that.

Over and out.

Blackout

 2013-11-5

It was business as usual today and tonight. Evening had come and the sun was barely visible. Had a list a mile long of things to do, when suddenly a loud BANG!, followed by the electricity in the entire house going out, thwarted my plans. I just about jumped out of my skin and panicked; but, I had to feign to be the level-headed one, as a single mom of four small frightened and impressionable children. Before I had children, I had more candles than I could count; but, these days, I have very few to keep. I scrambled to light what candles I had. Then I went outside to the fuse box, with great effort and persuasion turned off and back on the master switch; nothing happened. I went back inside and out the front door to see whether any others on the street were having the same outage. I could see a neighbor a few doors down who was on his cell phone. Hollered to him and he said his electricity was out, too.

 2013-11-5

Rumor has it that a transformer located in my next door neighbor's backyard blew. A squirrel, perhaps? Heard those things can take a couple of hours or so to replace. Thankfully the electricity came on in much less time than that.

Having lights out briefly wasn't such a bad thing. A bunch of things that allegedly needed to get done didn't necessarily get done. But, we were all a bit high strung, leading up to the blackout, and the blackout did a gentle reset for us.

Musical abilities at a young age

This morning, I heard distressing news that left me worried, concerned, frustrated, and not wanting to eat even though I was hungry (my body's typical reaction to stress). Instead of allowing distress to ravage me and challenge my well-being, I tried to refocus attention to the positive stuff in my life, and much came to mind, including but not limited to: blogging, being surrounded by friends (and family), playing music, taking photographs, having four wonderful children, carrying no school loan debt (especially considering just how long I have been in school), the list goes on.

***

Anyways, music has been a huge part of my life since I was little. My parents took a huge risk by letting me start taking piano lessons at the tender age of 4 1/2. It could have been one of those momentary 'desires' that I wouldn't take seriously. What 4 1/2 year old really knows what she wants? Their risk started paying off as early as a year later. A year after I started taking piano lessons, my piano teacher told us she was leaving, because she was getting married. What? She had found us a new piano teacher, and I still clearly remember setting foot in Ms. Carter's house for the first time. It looked like a super huge house, and I remember her comment that we didn't have to take our shoes off upon entering her home. I don't remember that day being a time she would use to determine whether she would take my sister and me on as students, but I recall playing scales for her. Later she would let me know that she had not planned on taking me at such a young age (5 1/2), but since I could play all my scales already, she could not not take me. I wasn't sure what her comments really meant at that time other than I had a nice teacher that would replace the teacher that was getting married.

I started competing in piano competitions at about 7 years of age, where I won my first piano competition. And I continued to take piano lessons for over 12 years. Even though I wasn't a music major in college, a music professor agreed to let me take private piano lessons for credit. What a huge deal!! I am not saying this stuff to brag, but emphasize the importance of music in my life.

Lately, my passion is in singing, but I am not as certain of my abilities there.

***

Well, my eldest, at the age of 5, told me she really wanted to take violin lessons.

Really? Are you sure? That's a really big deal. I have to pay every month to rent a violin, and private music lessons are never cheap. For several months, she really, really insisted she wanted to take lessons. By August, on the cusp of turning 6, I gave in to her insistent request.

At the end of August of 2012, when she was still 5 years old, she started taking violin lessons. I knew little to nothing about the violin. Little did I know that I was signing up to coach her through every minute of every practice, every day. I had to make sure her bow hold was correct, her bow was sitting evenly between the bridge and the fingerboard, she attempts to play more in the upper part of the bow, that her bow hits the intended string without hitting other strings, that her other hand is pressing the correct part of the string, and so forth. Imagine coaching her through practice whilst taking care of my three other (younger) children!

Somehow she and I have survived and managed to thrive! Isabella has faithfully practiced 6 days a week, nearly every week. And, I have somehow coached her and take care of the other three without falling apart. A little over a year later, by the middle of last month, she finished learning all the songs in Suzuki Book I as well as a few other songs. She will perform in her first solo recital (with a piano accompanist playing), performing all the pieces she has learned, some 17 songs, in a little over a week. I am so proud of her.

***

Another child in the family who has more obviously excelled in music is one of the twins. I was taking inventory of the songs she could sing, albeit not perfectly (without missing a few words here and there), but knew pretty decently, on November 1st (the day she turned 25 months old). And she can sing 6-7 songs: The ABC song, A song in Mandarin about 2 tigers, "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" in Mandarin, "These are My Glasses," "Jesus Loves Me," "Jesus Loves the Little Children," and sort of "This Little Light of Mine." Perhaps I am biased, but I am pretty impressed.