I realize holidays are tough for some, and I want to be sensitive to that. I really do. Holidays are not the easiest for me either. What was supposed to be a family was torn apart. Some of the hurt is healing and some of the pain is still very raw. Navigating holidays will be not be the same every time nor will the feelings that surround them.
That being said, without sounding too sugary sweet - picture-perfect sweet, I have so much to be thankful for this year. I have two wonderful parents that spent arduous years; invaluable effort, dedication, and money; raising us. And I got to celebrate Thanksgiving with them this year. I have four very unique, bursts of energy for children. I love each and every one of them. Precious gifts to me, temper tantrums, constant attention and needs, craziness and all. I was blessed with spending Thanksgiving with them. I was also blessed with spending time with some wonderful friends. I am thankful I have a roof over my head and warm shelter from the bitter cold. I am thankful I have cupboards full of food and a refrigerator full of food, even though my wallet's empty and I am still unsure how we're going to make it from month to month. The point is that we have so far. I am thankful that music, writing, and various parts of the arts have been very integral parts of my life for quite some time now. I am so thankful for my sister and the many friends from different parts of my life, some who have known me for most of my life, some for brief periods of time, and some in between.
And, I am thankful I was able to make a knock-out stuffing, even though I didn't taste it ahead of time, because of the ingredients.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Time Out for Adults
Why should 'time-outs' only be for children? Couldn't time-outs be for anyone? How about adults who might need some time to reflect or some time to calm oneself or time to oneself? Do time-outs necessarily have to be something negative?
My humble position is that time-outs do not have to be negative. And they do not need to be just for children.
The call a time-out upon oneself take a certain level of maturity to one calling a time-out upon oneself, recognizing particular needs, and attempting to meet those needs, for the benefit of everyone. Realizing and doing are two different things, however. When I am hungry, I need to eat without delay. But, I oftentimes wait too long to eat, because I am caring for others or I keep too busy. I need to work on eating regularly but especially make sure I stop to eat when hungry.
My humble position is that time-outs do not have to be negative. And they do not need to be just for children.
The call a time-out upon oneself take a certain level of maturity to one calling a time-out upon oneself, recognizing particular needs, and attempting to meet those needs, for the benefit of everyone. Realizing and doing are two different things, however. When I am hungry, I need to eat without delay. But, I oftentimes wait too long to eat, because I am caring for others or I keep too busy. I need to work on eating regularly but especially make sure I stop to eat when hungry.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Not just Black Friday, Anymore?! Post Thanksgiving Shopping on Steroids
No one appreciates a fantastic bargain like me, especially since I am on an extremely tight budget. Christmas will be coming around soon enough, and I have my children and a some others I must, I want to give a little something. Does that make me a consumerist? I don't know. I don't necessarily have to purchase more expensive, prepackaged goods, but I like to look. Part of what has become tradition for me is to make cinnamon sugar almonds, which invariable flies out of my kitchen like hotcakes and has people salivating for more. But, I still like to shop.
When human welfare or consideration of workers are compromised, however, I rethink and reevaluate whether a bargain is really a bargain. I don't shop at certain stores because the employees or the companies from which they purchase products are paid really low wages or are treated poorly. That I am getting a huge cut in cost at someone or some other people's expenses is not alright in my book. And, I have some idea what it is like to struggle from month to month, wondering how I am going to make ends meet, okay? I want to be smart with money, just not at the sacrifice of others' well-being.
This is the first year the United States has put changed post-Thanksgiving shopping from Black Friday shopping to Post-Thanksgiving Shopping on STEROIDS. Why, oh why, are so many shops opening at 8 pm on Thanksgiving? Some people might be willing to work then, because they need the money so desperately. But, can't we offer workers a holiday on Thanksgiving, where everyone should be resting and giving thanks?! Working with irate, impatient, entitled shoppers is no way to spend Thanksgiving! And what about the shoppers? How about if we spend the rest of that day relaxing with friends or family, sleeping, or just kicking back on one's own?! Waiting until Black Friday never killed anyone.
That Thanksgiving Day shopping, that Thanksgiving Day shopping, I do not like that Thanksgiving Day shopping. I do not like it here or there. I do not like Thanksgiving Day shopping, I am.
When human welfare or consideration of workers are compromised, however, I rethink and reevaluate whether a bargain is really a bargain. I don't shop at certain stores because the employees or the companies from which they purchase products are paid really low wages or are treated poorly. That I am getting a huge cut in cost at someone or some other people's expenses is not alright in my book. And, I have some idea what it is like to struggle from month to month, wondering how I am going to make ends meet, okay? I want to be smart with money, just not at the sacrifice of others' well-being.
This is the first year the United States has put changed post-Thanksgiving shopping from Black Friday shopping to Post-Thanksgiving Shopping on STEROIDS. Why, oh why, are so many shops opening at 8 pm on Thanksgiving? Some people might be willing to work then, because they need the money so desperately. But, can't we offer workers a holiday on Thanksgiving, where everyone should be resting and giving thanks?! Working with irate, impatient, entitled shoppers is no way to spend Thanksgiving! And what about the shoppers? How about if we spend the rest of that day relaxing with friends or family, sleeping, or just kicking back on one's own?! Waiting until Black Friday never killed anyone.
That Thanksgiving Day shopping, that Thanksgiving Day shopping, I do not like that Thanksgiving Day shopping. I do not like it here or there. I do not like Thanksgiving Day shopping, I am.
Monday, November 25, 2013
From Missus Cellophane
I am feeling much like Missus Cellophane, with people looking right through me, walking right by me, and never knowing I'm there. But, Missus Cellophane has feelings and is feeling rather vulnerable with a rush of intense, overwhelming feelings. I feel an absolutely huge sense of responsibility to provide for my four children and me. At the same time, these children also need a sort-of stay-at-home-mom - a mom who can constantly be a shoulder for them to lean on, especially through this particularly tough, cumbersome, lengthy season in our lives. How am I supposed to work a full-time job (preferably in what I am trained to do - teaching at the university level - because that might have a chance at paying the bills and covering for some child care for the youngest two, who are too young for school) and be a fully-available mommy for my children, while I sometimes still feel intense raw feelings of betrayal and cannot come to terms with how someone who was supposed to be by my side (on my side) could not only get into bed with addiction but also turn vehemently against me? I am not marketable in academia, because I haven't been doing anything 'useful,' like publishing, attending conferences, presenting papers. In fact, them finding out any woman has young children is a nail in the coffin of any woman wanting to work/teach in academia. I am royally screwed. I might as well be Misses Cellophane. Though no one really knows I am here, this not what I want. I work my tail end off for my children, from the time the twins wake me up at 4:30 am to after the older two go to bed. I've made grown, responsible, very busy adults exhausted and utterly zapped of energy sharing with them about just part of my daily routine. Yet what I do is still not enough; I need to do more. Send help. Love, Misses Cellophane.
Challenges in Being a Mom
The only real anxiety (or anxiety attacks) I have ever experienced has been worrying about my children and whether I am doing all I should for them and whether I am being patient enough. I watched this video just a few moments ago, and hearing that other dedicated moms have felt the same way made me feel a tad less, well, I am not sure what. I would say 'better,' but the burden of being a good enough mom is always on my mind.
I love them so much, so very much, and I really hope they sense and know this. How each child is different or unique matters to me; I plan on continually investing in this process of learning about my children and spending time with them. I want my children to learn to be responsible, caring people, who will be gradually become more equipped to take care of themselves and others. I want my children to be multilingual, appreciate and become better acquainted with their cultural background. I want my children to work hard as well as enjoy life. I want my children to study hard in school so that they can be financially independent someday. I hope my children will love music (and learn a musical instrument) and the arts. My hope is that they believe in God and love the Lord, always. The children ought to respect their elders, whether parents, teachers, or whomever we encounter on our outings. I am here to be their mom, not their friend or buddy. I am not here to make them into pleasure-seekers. My job is to help mold and shape their character, to love them and to help them become good people.
I am thankful for each of my darling, beloved children. They are wonderful treasures bestowed upon me, and I shall snuggle them closely.
I love them so much, so very much, and I really hope they sense and know this. How each child is different or unique matters to me; I plan on continually investing in this process of learning about my children and spending time with them. I want my children to learn to be responsible, caring people, who will be gradually become more equipped to take care of themselves and others. I want my children to be multilingual, appreciate and become better acquainted with their cultural background. I want my children to work hard as well as enjoy life. I want my children to study hard in school so that they can be financially independent someday. I hope my children will love music (and learn a musical instrument) and the arts. My hope is that they believe in God and love the Lord, always. The children ought to respect their elders, whether parents, teachers, or whomever we encounter on our outings. I am here to be their mom, not their friend or buddy. I am not here to make them into pleasure-seekers. My job is to help mold and shape their character, to love them and to help them become good people.
I am thankful for each of my darling, beloved children. They are wonderful treasures bestowed upon me, and I shall snuggle them closely.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Becoming a handy person? Maybe not, but I'll take the pat on the back
The other day, anxiety caught me by surprise. I had put off putting out applications for jobs for the 2014-2015 year to focus on my NaNoWriMo writing, and a couple of days ago, at just over 20,000 words, I realized I wasn't going to be able to cross the finish line, no matter how hard I try. I don't think the realization itself, that I wouldn't finish created the anxiety, but the sheer weight of responsibility I feel in trying to provide for my four children, no matter what, brought on the panic. I took a huge risk in focusing on writing exclusively, and perhaps I feel like I failed. The heart of the contents I poured into writing was supposed to be part of a monogram, a book, some day. So, I thought I would benefit from this writing challenge, even if I couldn't complete NaNoWriMo this year. I do not know how the book is going to happen or when, but I have to continue working hard on it and have a little faith. Until then, I need to start putting out applications for teaching positions in philosophy in an abysmally bleak job market, where my situation (I had been a stay-at-home-mom until a year or so ago) does not make me look any more marketable. My stomach is turning and restless just typing these words.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving and not feeling so crappy about myself, I am going to hold my head up high and proclaim that within the last 72 hours, I accomplished one of those things I did not ever imagine learning to do: plumbing work. The other day, I repaired a leaking toilet upstairs, and tonight I repaired a leaky faucet downstairs. I am thankful for having a dad that taught me and teaches me things. I now feel more officially like a home-owner. And I am sort of, kind of, becoming a handy person, one task at a time. I may not be hired anywhere to be a plumber or a handy person, but I'm learning the ropes of taking care of my own house!
In the spirit of Thanksgiving and not feeling so crappy about myself, I am going to hold my head up high and proclaim that within the last 72 hours, I accomplished one of those things I did not ever imagine learning to do: plumbing work. The other day, I repaired a leaking toilet upstairs, and tonight I repaired a leaky faucet downstairs. I am thankful for having a dad that taught me and teaches me things. I now feel more officially like a home-owner. And I am sort of, kind of, becoming a handy person, one task at a time. I may not be hired anywhere to be a plumber or a handy person, but I'm learning the ropes of taking care of my own house!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Daddy Dearest
Many are posting about gratitude daily this month.
Today, I want to share how grateful I am for my daddy. He is no perfect dad, but then again, I am no perfect daughter and I am certainly no Mary Poppins.
As far back as I can remember, in early childhood, my dad took his life responsibilities as a man, a father, and a husband seriously. Both my parents worked full time. My mom worked longer hours in the office and got home later than my dad. My dad took home life just as seriously, if not more so, as work life. He cooked dinner the nights my mom worked late and taught my sister and me how to cook. Starting at an early age, he taught us various subjects, including but not limited to: math and English.
At the very tender age of 4 and 1/2, I asked my dad permission to take piano lessons. I remember that day I asked my dad for permission clearly. We were standing next to my dad's car in the garage, when my sister was having her piano lesson in the family room, pleading with my dad to let me take lessons, too. He admonished me that lessons were expensive and I had to be willing to practice daily. I gave him my assurance I would, and, he conceded. How would he know if someone so young was capable of being that serious about learning a musical instrument? He took a risk on me, and to this day, I am so thankful he let me take lessons. A year later, I had learned all the scales and a new teacher, who was hesitant about taking on a child so young, took me because I had already learned so much. Though very busy, my dad would often sit down and listen to me practice. From that time, I had numerous years of formal training - private lessons - in piano, and I have benefited so much from those lessons.
Besides all that, my dad had a diligent life work ethic, and he passed that on to my sister and me. Though playing and relaxing were and are important, both of my parents ingrained in us that working hard in life is non-negotiable. My dad did most of the grocery shopping, did all the lawn care, grew a garden, did the family's bookkeeping, figured out how to fix the house when needed, took care of maintaining both cars, cooked, did laundry when needed, helped with dishes, took us to lessons, all while working full-time.
Today, I want to share how grateful I am for my daddy. He is no perfect dad, but then again, I am no perfect daughter and I am certainly no Mary Poppins.
As far back as I can remember, in early childhood, my dad took his life responsibilities as a man, a father, and a husband seriously. Both my parents worked full time. My mom worked longer hours in the office and got home later than my dad. My dad took home life just as seriously, if not more so, as work life. He cooked dinner the nights my mom worked late and taught my sister and me how to cook. Starting at an early age, he taught us various subjects, including but not limited to: math and English.
At the very tender age of 4 and 1/2, I asked my dad permission to take piano lessons. I remember that day I asked my dad for permission clearly. We were standing next to my dad's car in the garage, when my sister was having her piano lesson in the family room, pleading with my dad to let me take lessons, too. He admonished me that lessons were expensive and I had to be willing to practice daily. I gave him my assurance I would, and, he conceded. How would he know if someone so young was capable of being that serious about learning a musical instrument? He took a risk on me, and to this day, I am so thankful he let me take lessons. A year later, I had learned all the scales and a new teacher, who was hesitant about taking on a child so young, took me because I had already learned so much. Though very busy, my dad would often sit down and listen to me practice. From that time, I had numerous years of formal training - private lessons - in piano, and I have benefited so much from those lessons.
Besides all that, my dad had a diligent life work ethic, and he passed that on to my sister and me. Though playing and relaxing were and are important, both of my parents ingrained in us that working hard in life is non-negotiable. My dad did most of the grocery shopping, did all the lawn care, grew a garden, did the family's bookkeeping, figured out how to fix the house when needed, took care of maintaining both cars, cooked, did laundry when needed, helped with dishes, took us to lessons, all while working full-time.
***
I guess perhaps I was naive. I did not know men were different from this until after I got married. Then a whole different world of how men react differently in married life and how they assume (or do not assume) responsibilities opened up. I will say that opening up was more of a rude awakening. There are plenty of men who feel that working full-time is plenty of work and that working full-time gives them a free ticket to do little to nothing else in the home or for the family. I am acquainted with many men of different ages that do not do half what my dad did and does.
***
Today, I am truly grateful for my dad and the wonderful example he set. I love and respect my daddy.
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