The other day, anxiety caught me by surprise. I had put off putting out applications for jobs for the 2014-2015 year to focus on my NaNoWriMo writing, and a couple of days ago, at just over 20,000 words, I realized I wasn't going to be able to cross the finish line, no matter how hard I try. I don't think the realization itself, that I wouldn't finish created the anxiety, but the sheer weight of responsibility I feel in trying to provide for my four children, no matter what, brought on the panic. I took a huge risk in focusing on writing exclusively, and perhaps I feel like I failed. The heart of the contents I poured into writing was supposed to be part of a monogram, a book, some day. So, I thought I would benefit from this writing challenge, even if I couldn't complete NaNoWriMo this year. I do not know how the book is going to happen or when, but I have to continue working hard on it and have a little faith. Until then, I need to start putting out applications for teaching positions in philosophy in an abysmally bleak job market, where my situation (I had been a stay-at-home-mom until a year or so ago) does not make me look any more marketable. My stomach is turning and restless just typing these words.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving and not feeling so crappy about myself, I am going to hold my head up high and proclaim that within the last 72 hours, I accomplished one of those things I did not ever imagine learning to do: plumbing work. The other day, I repaired a leaking toilet upstairs, and tonight I repaired a leaky faucet downstairs. I am thankful for having a dad that taught me and teaches me things. I now feel more officially like a home-owner. And I am sort of, kind of, becoming a handy person, one task at a time. I may not be hired anywhere to be a plumber or a handy person, but I'm learning the ropes of taking care of my own house!
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