Friday, December 20, 2013

Let It Go

The character, Elsa, in Disney's "Frozen," sings this piece - "Let It Go" more than once. She admits to bottling up the storm inside, out of the fear of hurting others and the desire to protect others. And at some point (I don't want to give away all the wonderful surprises), Elsa lets it go; she lets those feelings that she has been hiding out into the open. She says, "let it go" and freedom comes with letting it go.

The desire to protect others and not to hurt others, yes, that is ever important.

But, regarding the feelings, what if they cannot be identified and labeled? How are the feelings to be released or let go, whatever they are?! What if the stuff inside is a jumbled up mess?!

The father of the children is a loose cannon, who plagues and blackens my life. He pulls pranks, acts immature, is an unruly example to the children, does not take responsibility. He continues to be full of unpredictable, unpleasant activity. Any word from him or communication from him puts a dark cloud over my day. Many anniversaries have been celebrated recently. I had been married nearly 11 years. How is hearing about anniversaries like painful stabs? I can be glad for those who have survived and flourished in healthy relationships and marriages. What is my problem? When acquaintances ask about my 'husband', why do I feel a need to explain why I am no longer married? Why should i care what others think? Why is it that important to me for others to know that none of these children were out of wedlock and that I didn't simply get a divorce when the sparkles disappeared or when life got tough? Why do tears come so easily when I am struggling to find a job that pays for more than merely childcare (but a roof over our heads, food on the table, and clothing on our backs)? How helpful my PhD has been in providing for us. I want to see the glass as half full and be thankful for all the blessings in my life, yet why is the pain so fresh and so deep?

Yes, let us let it go. 

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